Understanding Mean People

Here's something I wrote on my phone during a bout of insomnia. I can't remember what the day's events were that led me to dwell on this. But knowing my "patterns," it's probably just stress. I don't like showing my stress to other people, especially to co-workers and to those I'm not really close with, that oftentimes, I can't help but lump it all it into a mass of pulsating negativity whose existence I only remember  when I go to bed, or I regrettably release when I'm with the people I love. This, I am really sorry for, because I end up lashing out to those most dear to me, even if these "mild bursts" are extremely short-lived and temporary. 
Lately, I've been writing on my phone as a form of outlet for these negative thoughts. 

May 9, 2012. Wed. 11:57 pm:

Understanding Mean People

I'm trying to wrap my head around why some people constantly feel the need to put other people down. Why they must first put under superficial assessment those they meet to see if they deserve even the most basic form of respect. Why they bask in the glow of other people's reddening faces as they suffer the consequences of temporary idiocy or simple awkwardness. Why they go about the world with a raised eyebrow, pursed lips, and their most evil glare.

My guess is that these people suffer from a feeling of inadequacy in one aspect of themselves, which they repress and ignore, that to see this version of themselves in another person brings about repulsion and even hatred. It's ironic because these people are often seen as fearless. Someone "honest" and "true" to what they want--in control--when in reality, they are severely lacking the restraint and awareness most possess. Think of this awareness as a social filter, a skill a human being begins developing as soon as they start learning how they speak, and is reinforced by good parenting.
It's really basic manners.

What they mistake as confidence and frankness may be a lack of good manners and restraint. They lack the ability to filter themselves which is a skill we all start developing as soon as we are able to form our own opinions. Their "I don't care what you think" attitude is an inability to foresee consequences of their actions that can be dangerous and destructive. It's sad, really, because their happiness is dependent on other people's misery. What they proclaim as confidence is actually over-dependence, because take away the people they put down, they are left without the rungs of their life's ladder. They are focused so much on defining others that they are not able to define themselves. Strip them off the people they use to prop up as their pedestal. and they are left with nothing to show for.